Home Alone and no one to bother

Why is everyone out of town? Comment, Email if you want to do something, or if you are more of the instant gratification IM or Call me.

Home Alone and no one to bother

Why is everyone on vacation? Comment if you want to do something, or call me if you are more of the instant gratification type. Email also works.

I am sooooooooo bored I posted about this. Excuse my insanity.

I had to post about this hilarious friend I've got. Here is why it is sooooo funny, (and this is for the entertainment of Sarah, Jessica, Kevin.) My friend, let's call her, Veronica, because that is a funny name. While watching 28 days, she thought it was stupid, and laughed when people died, when watching Saw, she thought it was hilarious when the guy cut his foot off, and laughed at the people who died. Didn't even phase her. But , But when I mention a certain person's name, we will call him Moe, Moe Lester. Vernonica FREAKS OUT! She has repeatedly told me how much Moe scares her because he stands behind her like the kid with the glasses to Helga in the show Hey Arnold. Moe follows her down hallways. He almost asked her to prom in front of one of our classes (but thanks to a GOD SENT JESSAMYN, Moe was stopped.) Moe lives down the street from Vernonica and just me mentioning the fact that he might sit outside her window and watch her sleep scared her to death (or to a severe beating of my body). Vernonica has said on occasion he wouldn't bother her if Moe didn't follow her around and if Moe didn't remind her of a child moelester (sp?). So I find this hilarious, but really, would you classify him a stalker, and if so, do you think it is serious (JESSICA CAN'T ANSWER, OR ELSE I WILL TELL EVERYONE WHO YOU HAVE POSTED ALL OVER YOUR ROOM!)

I think I have taken this before, but I am too lazy to check my archives

Crash and Burn

In the spirit of Prom I found a list of guys who got shot down trying to ask a girl out. (I think this doctor is idealistic, most of these women are just lying.)

"I was told that I'm too neat. Neat?!" —Gary, 56, Toronto, ON
Dr. Glass: "She probably has sloppy tendencies, and she's worried that he'll judge her."

"She told me it wasn't a good idea because she was anemic and was having her period." —Joe, 54, Justin, TX
Dr. Glass: "Oh, God! I'm embarrassed just hearing that. That's too much information. She doesn't censor herself, so she could be a true embarrassment in front of other people."

"She didn't think her father and I would get along." —Curtis, 43, Jacksonville, FL
Dr. Glass: "Daddy's girl! The rejection was a blessing in disguise. There would be too many family issues that would intrude on a relationship."

"One woman told me I was too intelligent for her. Sure." —Ray, 37, Raleigh, NC
Dr. Glass: "Kissing only takes up half a percentage of the date time-wise, so you have to talk, and she seems either insecure or hostile. But let's note that no opinion is formed in a vacuum, and he probably said something that made her feel insecure about herself and brought out the worst in her."

"A woman told me she was probably going to be too tired the night I asked her out…but she told me this two days ahead of time." —Kevin, 41, Dallas, TX
Dr. Glass: "Barring any medical difficulties, because a lot of people do have health issues, this is passive-aggressive and, really, pretty hostile."

"A girl I liked said she wouldn't date people born the same month she was." —Greg, 22, Wilmington, DE
Dr. Glass: "If she was being truthful and is such a strong believer in astrology, it'd be a self-fulfilling prophecy, and the relationship wouldn't work. So why even bother?"

"A girl said that her car broke down and gave me a big, long story about what was wrong. Only problem? I have a car and could have driven her. Plus, I'm a mechanic." —Wally, 20, Chicago, IL Dr. Glass: "Simply put, she may well be a liar and her car may not have been broken. When you talk too much—when you give too many details, too much information—you're lying."

"She told me she had to go buy the donuts for her Singles with STDs group. Point taken." —Greg, 32, San Diego, CA
Dr. Glass: "That's evil! I mean, come on—she really wanted to keep him away. She's got a great sense of humor, but she's on a power trip and uses it as a weapon. The hair-washing excuse is like using a fly-swatter on a guy; this is like using an Uzi."

My day in a list (no one really cares, but it is funny)

1. Nothing
2. Saturday Morning Cartoons
3. Taking Quinoa on a walk with Jessica and Cindy
4. Watching Quinoa try impregnate a spade Cindy.
5. Watch Cindy snap and bite Quinoa as he tries to get on her.
6. Declare my dog a sexual predator.
7. Go to Work
8. Get a call from my now Prom date, Jenni Skalla, (thank you)
9. Nap
10. Go to Steve-o & Ashley's B-day party
11. Wrestle a cripple.
12. A sophmore girl bashes my head against a book case.
13. Bleed profusely
14. Feel like the man in my Theatre Ensemble movie.
15. Write on everyone's car with markers.]
16. Blog

How you doin'?

Pick-up Lines
(With hands on shoulders) Oh, those are shoulder blades, I thought they were wings.
Are you lost ma'am? Because heaven's a long way from here.
Are you O.K.? Because heaven's a long fall from here.
Do you have a map? I just keep on getting lost in your eyes.
Excuse me, but I think I dropped something!!! MY JAW!!
I have only three months to live. ..
I play the field, and it looks like I just hit a home run with you.
If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together.
Is there an airport nearby or is that just my heart taking off?
Stand still so I can pick you up!
Was you father an alien? Because there's nothing else like you on earth!
Your name must be Mickey because your so fine.
(my favorite) You must be Jamaican, because Jamaican me crazy.
Are you religious? Cause you are the answers to all my prayers.
You're like a dictionary, you add meaning to my life!
Say, you remind me of a pop tart. (Why?) You're cool cause you're hot!
You remind me of a magnet, because you sure are attracting me over here!
Is there a rainbow today? I just found the treasure I've been searching for!
If you were a laser, you'd be set on "stunning".
(You don't get much worse than this one)Do you remember Crayola Crayons? They used to have this color...Blizzard Blue. It was my favorite color and I could never figure out why. But I just realized why, your eyes...Blizzard Blue.
Hi. My name is {name}. I'm running for president in 2012. And I could sure use your vote. Here...write down your number and I'll call you to discuss my platform.
Do you have a bandaid? Because I just scrapped my knee falling for you.
I know I don't look like much now, but I'm drinking milk.
If you were a booger I'd pick you first.
They call me "coffee". I grind so fine. (sorry this one was just too funny)
My love for you is like diarrhea, I just can't hold it in
(i bet this one works) I have a .357 magnum pointed at your kidney. Wanna go get some coffee?
Your graphics are so beautiful that they rival Doom 3.

Can't help but laugh

So I realized that I still had pictures from Sadi Hawkins (which was really fun) so here they are.

My Sadi Hawkins with Casey Monsees.

My Awesome Date.

My awesome date in someone else's picture.

My date and I with another couple.

Notice my date and I in the mirror making wonderful faces.

Phil just being Phil.

The group at Jenni Skalla's (which will become the name of my future restaurant)

Prom, Blood, Bathrooms, sounds like a perverted horror film

Let us begin from the very beginning: Sitting in Phil's car driving to Park Meadows considering Prom dates. Then suddenly Chloe (suddenly susan ha!) came to mind but after some consideration (admonishing from my mother) I waited to ask. Jessica said I should, and I told more people, and everyone thought it would be a wonderful idea! Well I wait, and wait and wait, till I eventually get death threats from girls for not asking her. I finally decide to ask her my giving her 4 contracts and she uses her stamp of disapproval (it only have one "P" and inside joke) the first was a Nice Yes, then a Nice No, then a Mean No, then a Mean Yes. Well I give it to Goldson to give to her, then theatre ensemble rolls around and she says nothing FOR AN HOUR AND A HALF!!! Well I go home and moap around the house, my mom gives me a pep talk and I get over it, thursday I do not see her, and then friday.
Friday, I go into theatre and there on my desk is a bloody hammer and note.



Well it is from Chloe and let me type you out the message...

Austin
This is as close as I could get to writing in blood. So get over it! First of all I heart you and your sassy gestures (inside joke). I'm sorry I had to "disaprove" (sic)(ooo vocab) but you made it too much fun. If I wanted to go with anyone to Prom, you'd be the one I'd go with, but I don't. Anywho I'm just a crazy murderer...Oh and to make up for it... heres a hammer you can kill me will...it was the bird's fault.
Chloe
The entire joke is that she is a crazy murderer in our theatre movie, so suddenly I found myself without a date (and I wasn't too sad because Chloe is still coming with out group and she rocks!). However, there was blood all over the desk, well Ely Bowbly decided to sit right on top of the blood (food coloring). Now for those of you who do not understand the female anatomy this will not be as funny, but it looked as if Ely needed some "help". She runs to the bathroom with Shannon and from that point I will have to refer to how they told the story. "We sat there washing her butt with water as she sat on the counter right in front of the sink. We realized that we were not going to get anymore out after about 5 minutes so we tired to dry her pants. Well here is Ely with sticking her butt up in the air so the blow dry with hit it and Shannon trying to dry her butt with paper towels, so it was kind of funny. But then girls kept on walking in and here they see these 2 girls, one with her butt in the air and the other rubbing it with paper towels. We got some strange looks." Needless to say I we were dying of laughter! I had thought about asking someone else and I already sort of did, but that is for another post.

My Mexican Friend

(obviously all white)
DrAustiagon1: what is your middle name?
olinestar67: my middle name is jose
jmlpagnard: kevin shut up
DrAustiagon1: what is your middle name
olinestar67: do not insult my proud mexican heritage

I just Scored!

After a long ardous task and scary interview (which I almost aced) I am now an employee of Score! (the exclamation is part of the name not my excited emotion) My job is to walk around and help kids as they stare at computer screens. It doesn't seem like too bad of a job, and I never work nights so that is nice, I haven't asked my pay yet, I really don't care either.

May Day, May Day!

Jessica, we are at a defcon 3 (1 the worst possible, 5 the best possible) and I might be moving to defcon 2 soon. Email me quickly, because I think we have a problem!

Renewal of Quotes

"If God is satisfied with the work, the work may be satisfied with itself."

"Perfect humility dispenses with modesty."

"In the moral sphere, every act of justice or charity involves putting ourselves in the other person's place and thus transcending our own competitive particularity."

"In coming to understand anything we are rejecting the facts as they are for us in favour of the facts as they are." (one of my favorites)

My close brush with complete humilation

Wow one of the almost stupidest things of my life. In theatre Chloe Cook and her amazing vocab decided to place her favorite word on a name tag and then on me. Well Chloe's favorite word begins with a "B" and ends with an "astard" and then she wrote another name tag which said "No seriously, its true." Well no one at school bothered to tell me while I was leaving. The scary part came when I walked into Score (you sit kids infront of a computer and it tutors them) and I was picking up an application. Needless to say it would be a very bad idea to where something like that in there, and so at the last moment I look down and see the name tag and rip it off and walk out. The lady then follows me and asks if I needed anything and now I have an interview at 2:45 on thursday. Wow was that close and I felt like sharing it with the world. and Kate.

Put on your thinking caps and beging the brain storm

Okay, I am normally creative myself with these kind of things, but I am seeing who all out there can match my skill. So here is the contest. Who can come up with the most creative/coolest way to ask someone to Prom. If I actually choose yours, who knows maybe I will give you a gift certificcate to Qudoba or something. If no one comes up with something worthy then I will just have to go with one of my own, but I want to see how creative the viewers of my site can be. (note: Jessica you may also make suggestions but you will be helping me shoot down people's ideas because you know who it is, but you can't tell anyone.)

Think about the sun, Pippin! Think about your life!

I would say that I am speechless except that I am writing this and I can do nothing but think about Pippin (and the sun). IT WAS ABSOLUTELY AMAZING!!!!!! WOW! It was kinda demonic, but in a happy way if that is possible and then end looks like it is about to be happy and then it freaks you out. I LOVED IT. Collin Leydon was an amazing Pippin, Christine rocked as Catherine, Alex Trow's song was amazing, and Casy Monsees WAS THE MOST AMAZING PERSON IN THE WORLD. I was kinda of sad for not doing it, even make-up or something since that is only for a week or 2 prior to show, but then I realized I didn't feel like killing myself. I am going to see it again saturday, probably that night, matinees usually aren't as good. I also have to bring Chloe Cook dinner for Pippin. Wow, just wow. If you want to come call me because I am seeing it tomorrow, and I need to buy flowers, (not for the actors) for the chorus...Emmy Bauer and a few others, but mostly for tech because they are never recognized. once again, wow!